Secrets in a Word--Translucency

I think of a Law & Order episode. The suspect sits in an unforgiving chair set before a metal table with two detectives in the room that are even more unforgiving than the chair. There's a single lamp dangling above the interrogation table, the buzz of the electricity audible as it courses through the inner tubing of the bulb. The disdain for the suspect and the saturating light shining down on him concoct to form a haze. It's eerie. We know the confession will come. We know that secrets of unthinkably devious crimes will spill forth from his lips.

The aforementioned haze isn't a great example of translucency, but that's what I thought of. So, let's run with it. Since the early days of all of our education, we have been conditioned to understand the importance of light in books, movies and other art forms. For me, it was reading The Allegory of the Cave that pounded these notions into my head. It is the ultimate, and perhaps most common, motif. Even the famous short story I am currently reading in my Hispanic Literature course deals with the importance of light. "Las tinieblas" (the darkness), "la lucidez (the light) and "la penumbra" (the semi-darkness) are the three levels of light this work deals with. I was most intrigued by the role "la penumbra" played in this work, and I soon leapt to the concept of translucency. A filter for light (light representative of truth) which distorts the image on the other side. Who would have thought that the filtering of truth would have the same effect on our lives?

On the other side of the spectrum, translucency is very different from opaqueness--the complete filter of light. Whereas opaquenss completely hides the image on the other side, translucency only makes it challenging to see the whole image. To be translucent is to keep secrets, and we can all agree that we have some of those. Those are the dark spots, the spots inside of us people can't see because we don't let the truth light brings shine there.

Not only is the filtration of light, secrets, and how the intensity of the filter plays a role in the way people see us, but the same concepts apply to the way we see ourselves. Almost all of last year, particularly in the spring, was one of the most sad periods in my life. It was borderline depression. I couldn't perform at all at the same level in any aspect of my life that I had previously been able to do. Coincidentally, or not so, it was also the period where I was much closer to opaque--darkness, "las tinieblas"--than I was to translucent, never mind transparency. After having gritted my teeth through such a tough time, I realized that I needed to open up for my own sake. Although keeping things "bottled up" that will eventually spill over, to use another metaphor, is somewhat trite and cliche, it still rang true for me. When they finally did spill over, I decided to go with the grain and let more than just the overflow out. What I needed was a release, to let more light shine on various parts of me. Thank goodness that's what I allowed happen with the help of important people in my life. I am a far healthier and more stable person, for appearances sake and internally, than I ever could have been living in "la penumbra".